My Life. Medication Optional.

Tomorrow is my 30th Birthday. Obviously that means I should reflect upon where I am and draw conclusions about my awesomeness or lack thereof.

Age: 30

Spouse: 1 Husband, Jeff. The Shawn to my Gus, the Hank to my Peggy, the Red to my Kitty.

Children: 1, Hannah. My reason for waking up in the morning, my sunshine.

Job: Grocery Merchandiser. Good pay, moderately good hours (as in I could use more), flexible schedule. And I like it. Good for now.

Education: BA in Psychology from Mesa State. Loved college, one of the best times in my life.

Goals Achieved: Ran a 5K. Lost 40lbs. Run for fun, on purpose. Graduated college. Married Jeff. Had a kid. Flew on a plane, saw the ocean, went to a foreign country (Canada counts!). Had my writing published and paid for! Got to write for Pajiba. Own our own home. Created a fabulous financial plan.

Goals Remaining: Pay off truck (5 months), Student loans (15 months) and house (10 years). Run a 10K. Run at least one race every year. Maintain a home my daughter can be proud to have friends come to. Be financially comfortable enough that we can do a little traveling with Hannah. Do some pen-and-ink published freelance writing. Stop worrying about what other people think. Make more friends. Be more outgoing.
Stop dwelling on things.

Reflections: Since meeting Jeff my life has been a series of adventures I could never have imagined and that now I can't imagine missing.

Hannah is everything i ever could have wanted in a child. She's smart, funny and kind. I hope she grows up to be everything she wants to be and more.

My life is very fulfilling and content. All I have to do is let it be.

I made a training mistake that I shouldn't have. And it's all TV's fault.

So, I watch Make It Or Break It, which is teenage drama and gymnastics. When I was 8 I wanted to be a gymnasts, so this show is like candy to me. Anyway, my favorite character Payson has to retrain as a more artistic gymnast and is starting over. She started out with cartwheels, which made me think, 'Hey, I bet I can do a cartwheel now! That looks like fun! I should try learning some basic gymnastics stuff!' And that's where I went wrong.

I hit the gym and decide I'm going to screw around in the big aerobics room and try some cartwheels. (I stretched first, natch.) It's fun! So I do a few more, do two in a row, etc. Then I think, 'Well I used to be able to do a handstand. Let's try that.' So I do. I have some trouble getting up, but I manage a few. So 15 minutes goes by and I'm sweaty and warmed up so I decide today is the day to run my 2 miles for my race training.  I hit the treadmill and do two miles in 21:13, my best time ever. So I'm feeling great. Awesome, right?

Then I wake up the next morning.

It seems there is a huge difference in a teenage gymnast doing cartwheels and me doing them, because I am god-awful sore. I hurt EVERYWHERE. Back, shoulders, forearms, butt, thighs. I soak in Epsom salts. Nothing. Take Ibuprofen. Nada. So I decide to take the day off, because OW.

That's the mistake. When you wake up sore like that, the best thing to do is work out at a medium pace, nothing challenging, but long enough to work the muscles and get the blood flow going. I skipped out and I'm paying the price. It's two days later and I still hurt. I'm scrounging up some icyhot today.

Also, Make it or Break it rules.

Seriously, blogging was awesome when I started, because I had much more free time then. Now I have 3 jobs and much less free time. Of course, I spend half of my free time reading the opinions of strangers on the internet, so I guess I could be writing more of my own opinions.

It's funny, because I have several moments during the day where I thing of something funny/clever/interesting that would make an awesome blog post, but then it gets forgotten in the whirlwind of my day.  I've though of posts about celebrity, movies I watched, why Sweet Valley High is awesome, Facebook, and other things.

So I guess I'll try to update more. In the mean time, here's a snippet of my life:

8:30 - Out of bed with kiddo. Cartoons and pancakes.

9:15 - Realize I missed work conference call.

9:45 -Internet

10:30 - Shower.

11:00 - Kiddo wants milk. Have no milk. Voyage to store. Buy milk, OJ, chocolate and cereal.

12:00 -Ramen for lunch.

1:00 - Internets. Am called a horrible person for having a differing opinion on a blog. Remove blog from my favorites.

1:05 - Google said blog to see what else they said about me.

1:30 - Create grandiose list of things to do around the house.

2:00 - Try to figure out a way to make it look like I worked on the house all day without working at all.

3:00 - Give up on plan. Load dishwasher.

3:30 - Receive 4th call from friend complaining about her landlord. Read internet instead of listening.

3:45 - Blog guiltily.

So most of the reason I have no time to blog is because I now have three jobs. I picked up two extra merchandising jobs in the same store I'm already in to bring in some more cash. We were fine on money, but I've decided my 12 year old Tracer needs to go pretty soon. Don't get me wrong, it's been a great car. I couldn't recommend it more highly. Very little in the way of repair work needed, it's been really reliable, great gas mileage. It's getting older, though, and as my daughter gets bigger, the need for a slightly larger car is becoming apparent.

I'm pretty much in love with the Honda CR-V. It gets good mileage, it's large enough for car seats and groceries without being too big, it's super cute and it should last forever.  The Mr. and I are very conscious of our money and what we spend, so we want to have a large down payment before we buy. Hence, the second job. He has a new(er) truck, so it's my turn.

Why do you guys drive and what do you think of the CR-V? Do you recommend another small crossover SUV instead? Comment, please!

I left this comment on a blog and it says a lot about me and who I am. I want to remember it, so here it is.

I went to a public high school and debated all four years (I’m 29 now). As a timid, unfocused freshman, in debate I found friends that were like-minded people, I gained confidence and still love speaking to a room. I learned about the world, policies, the government, critical thinking, philosophy and other topics I might never have come across otherwise. Most importantly to me, my love of new things and learning was encouraged and respected, rather than diminished. I never won any trophies, but I wouldn’t trade those days in debate for anything. Some of the best times of my life were spent there.

I know I don't post as much as I used to, but I've started writing for a place called Demand Studios, so that's taking up much of my writing time.  I've made $30 this week writing for them, so that's awesome. I didn't make much with eHow, but I made some cash, about $2-3 a month.  I like Demand Studios because I can just choose a title (I am bad at picking topics and at titling things) and they pay a flat fee, which is much more gratifying.  It's kind of annoying having to go throuhg a copy editor, but so far everything has been approved with just a rewrite and since I'm new, that's not a big deal. The copy editors have been professional so far and never brisk or rude. I hope to keep writing, not for any major cash or anything, just enough to buy a book or a online game or something once in a while.  If I make $50 a month, I can use my paypal to pay my water bill, and that would certainly make it worthwhile, no?

Okay, so my husband and I have this game where we have some letters on the fridge and we leave each other messages. The thing that makes it fun and weird is that we don't have all the letters, so you have to be creative with the spelling and the letters themselves. It's kind of awesome at times, so I'm going to document it for you.

After a two months of running and tracking my progress (in miles and in pounds lost) I was down ten pounds. On days I didn't run, I used the elliptical or the treadclimber at the gym, instead of walking. After running, trying to walk for an hour was boring and felt pointless. I liked being able to move faster and feeling stronger. I also started lifting weights. I found weightlifting moves and tips in magazines and books and adapted what I could for myself. I started keeping a log of when I exercised, what lifts or cardio I did, how many sets, reps and weight of each. I had a notebook I took to the gym and I tracked everything online at SparkPeople.com. It makes things in to graphs and charts so you can see your progress and you can share your info with other people.

Here are some of the things that helped me change my ideas about fitness and to become more involved in my lifestyle change.

SparkPeople.com, which I briefly mentioned above. SparkPeople is a free website that has everything you need to make substantial lifestyle changes. It has a calorie tracker, fitness tracker, goal setting tips and charts for your progress, an option to create your own SparkPeople page, forums, articles and a lot more. The best part for me was being able to chart what I was eating and how much I was really working out.

Oxygen Women's Fitness. It's a fitness magazine for women, but it's not boring diet tips and endless crunches like you'd get from Shape or Fitness. This has serious diet plans geared towards women who want to push the limits of what their body can do and who are willing to work hard to do it. I learned amazing moves for lifting, saw women who had transformed their figures and got more practical, useful tips than I ever got in any other magazine.

Roni's Weigh (http://ronisweigh.com/). Roni is a fitness success story. She shed 60 lbs and ran a marathon last year and held a fit blogging conference this year. Not only is she a great fitness role model, but when she blogs, it feels like she is talking to you, honestly. Roni is the real deal. (Plus she is sweet enough to answer some of my questions on Twitter and to give support. Thanks Roni!)

Body for Life. Mys sister talked me into doing to Body for Life challenge, which is taking the book's exercise and eating principles and following them for twelve weeks to see results. The workouts are based on intensity and utilize cardio and weights. The eating plan was the best part for me. I learned about planning food in advance and to eat a protein and a carb together at every meal. It was a great way to find foods that are good for me and that will help me achieve my fitness goals.

I'm not perfect about what I eat or working out. I try to hit the gym six days a week. Some weeks I make it, some I don't. Some days I get 40 minutes of intense cardio, some days a moderate 20 minutes is all I can handle. You have to be flexible and listen to your body, but you also have to remember not to sell yourself short. Sometimes my not wanting to go to the gym isn't about the gym, it's about my emotions or laziness or a million other things. Usually by the time I get to the gym and get changed, I remember that I didn't want to be doing this, but by then it's too late, so I do it anyway. That's pretty much my philosophy. Acknowledge my feelings (good and bad) then do it anyway.

Can't think of anything outstandingly original to post, so I'll just go with a life update.

Back to watching my nephew full-time.  It's nine pm and he's whining about being tired but still wanting to take a shower. *sigh*

I've been really restless and funked lately, so much so that today I hit the gym twice.


Man, I've got nothing.

he first two photos are me at 175lbs. I last weighed that much in Jan. 2009. The last is me November 2009,  running my first 5k at 135 lbs.

I am really lucky in the fact that I love my job.  What I do isn't life-changing, or even significant, really.  It's just putting some products on a shelf, but I really get something out of it. 

I love the fact that I work alone.  My boss is 5 hours away, so unless he plans to come and see me, I only have email and phone contact with him.  I don't have any co-workers and I can set my own schedule, with a little structure.  I created a binder with each day of the week listed and what needs to be taken care of for each day.  I started a system of dating products to reduce the credits I write.  In the busy summer time I willingly come in for an extra hour some evenings to fill up the shelves.

I live the independence, I like the structure with flexibility, I like the satisfaction of doing my work well, without direct supervision.  I also really like the actual work.  I like walking the store, putting the product away.  Yeah, it sounds boring, but what it is for me is Zen.  I can get everything put away without a large degree of concentration.  My mind wanders and I have the time to plan my day, make goals, think about things I've seen and read, even just tune everything out and think of nothing.  It is the best benefit I'll never tell them about.

so I stole it back to post here.  It's recycling!

I've been feeling strange for the past two days.  I have this weird feeling in my chest, almost a pressure, which generally means a panic attack is near.  My mind is fairly clear and I don't feel mentally scattered or anxious, but I heed the signs when they come.  I hit the gym today for a major workout and did 50 minutes of cardio and lifted.  I feel sane again and I think I may have prevented a panic attack.  (Hope!)

I tried to do our taxes last night with TaxAct.  It would have gone well, had I been a mathematician and the tax laws not been as logical as a box of hair.  See you Monday, H&R Block!

Tuesday is the coaches meeting for the kindergarten soccer league.  I will be attending, as I have been persuaded to coach my own team this year, rather than assist my sister with my nephew's team.  I'm mildly apprehensive, as I won't have a kid of my own on this team, since Little TWoP is only 2.5.  A pack of rabid five and six-year-old kids would terrify any sane person. 

However, I figure coaching soccer gets me six months of good deed coverage, so if I coach fall and spring, I'm covered for the year.  That's a good deal.

Last year at this time I weighed 174 lbs according to SparkPeople.com and the gym scale.  As of yesterday I weigh 134 lbs.  (That's 40 pounds lost, FYI.) 

It's is definitely awesome, as I've gone from a size 14 to an 8 (almost a 6).  I feel better, more confident, and if I go into a store and try on a pair of pants, the always go on.  That's a new feeling for me. 

A lot of people comment on it, which is nice.  It's also really uncomfortable for me.  The problem is that they always seem to want to know what my secret is.  The ask how I did it and then they look disappointed when I tell them.

Because I watched what I ate and I go to the gym six days a week.  It's not a magic cure, it won't even work for everyone.  It just happened to work for me. 

The part that people seem to like to hear least is when I tell them about the gym.  I don't believe in going to the gym to walk on a treadmill for half an hour.  I think that people ignore the potential for what their body can do.  I think people make excuses to not be fit or at least to not have to work very hard.  It's not even about losing weight, it's about challenging your body to change itself.  Muscle tone and endurance don't change without sweat and exhaustion. 

I may make it sound like it's all easy and anyone can do it, but I don't mean that.  I just think that people who talk about wanting to make a change need to challenge themselves.  I have lots of days that I don't want to workout.  And I do it anyway.  It makes me stronger physically, but also I think the discipline of going to the gym and training my body has been really good for my self-esteem and my goal setting in other areas of my life.

So, readers (ha), do you workout?  Do you have weight loss or fitness goals? 

I'm seriously considering recaping the random shows I watch on TV.  I've seen this 7th Heaven episode enough times today that I can quote dialogue.

The list would go like this (IE, crap I have watched this week):
7th Heaven
Real Housewives of OC
Max and Ruby
Psych
Friends
The Golden Girls
Child's Play 2

I walked in the door from the gym and my 2.5 year old greeted me with a loud, 'GO AWAY, MOMMY! I PLAY WITH DADDY!'  And my first thought was 'Sweet, I'll be in bed playing on the computer.' 

It turns out that in my head I look (feel) completely different than pictures show.  I forget that I have a birth defect, I forget that I have all the extra skin on my neck, to me, I look totally normal.  Hell, to be honest, after losing all the weight, I feel great about myself. 

It normally doesn't occur to me to worry about it, but I've been thinking about cutting my hair.  It's not super long, just about 3 inches past my shoulders, but I'd like to cut it to hit my shoulders.  When I started thinking about it, the first thing I thought of was how it would look.  And not in the normal, 'Will this look cute on me?' way, but in a 'Will this camouflage my neck enough?'  And it's really bothering me that I thought that.

I went to see a cosmetic surgeon in October.  I wanted to know if he could fix it.  If I could look normal.  He told me that for $15,000 and probably three surgeries, he could give me 'a minimal difference that only I would notice'.  Well, damn.  I figured that was that, you know?  It wasn't feasible, I should be over it, right?  I had all the confirmation I needed that it wasn't going to change for me and I could accept my body the way it was. 

I thought I had, but just thinking about cutting my hair has brought it all back.  I want to have short hair, I want to enjoy the freedom of not like a particular shirt more because it covers my neck.  I want to wear tank tops without being self-conscious.  I want to see in pictures what I see in the mirror.