My Life. Medication Optional.

Update time! I've been quiet for awhile, in many ways because my depression has hit me pretty hard lately. With chronic depression, it's so hard to tell if it's just a rut you are going through or if it's time to change medicines or up the current medication. Once I finally got into a place where I could see how badly I was feeling, I decided on a two-fold approach.

First, I upped my meds. Since I started taking SAM-e, a supplement, I can be more flexable with my dose without having to make a doctor appointment. My doctor originally prescribed 800mg of SAM-e, but I started on 600mg, which was fine. Now that it's not, I'm up to 800. The max is 1800mg total, but if I think I need to go past 1000mg, I'm going to the doctor to make a switch.

The other thing that I did was make a few small changes to stop feeling like I am in a rut all the time. They are little, and probably silly, but they seem to be making me feel a little nicer. What I did was paint my nails and start wearing mascara and earring in the mornings. It's not a huge change. My reasoning is that taking a little extra time to look nicer might lead to feeling nicer. I admit, I kind of like looking in the mirror and being surprised by my darker eyes.

I'm giving it two weeks and if I'm not noticeably better by then (better enough that the husband notices as well) then I'm calling the doctor. A new doctor, in fact, but that's for another post...

So I went off the thyroid meds yesterday because I was insane.  I had a horrible headache and was jittery, like I'd had 5 or 6 red bulls.  And according to my husband, I was annoying as hell.  The directions say to cut out the meds until the issues subside, then get back on the pill wagon at the last dose before the problems.  I cannot wait to get back to it.  These pills are awesome.   

In other news, I am cranky and tired today, which may be from the lack of thyroid meds or because my kid won't give me a minute of peace.  I love her dearly, but no, I don't need her help making the bed, sweeping the floor or loading the dishwasher.  And since her way of helping is to put something on the floor and yell 'I made a mess!', it's really not helping my mood.

It's  3:30 Monday afternoon and I still haven't seen the new Big Love.  I was going to watch it this morning but my boss called from out of the blue and wanted me to come and walk the store with him.  Since he comes into town every two months or so, I have to find the time for him.

Then I was going to watch it after lunch.  Except my grandma called and needed someone to haul a door for her.  So I took Jeff's truck and took care of it.  (I love my grandma.) Then we get home and Hannah is starving, so we're eating and watching Kai-lan.  I'm going to try and watch some of it when Jeff gets home from work, but that only gives me an hour until aerobics.  I suspect I'll watch it tonight and recap tomorrow.

In other news, my shoulder feels better and my doctor STILL hasn't called to tell me what my xrays said.  I'm guessing it is a pulled tendon, since it's still swollen but the pain is lessening.  It'd be nice if those $500 dollar xrays turn out to be useful, though.  I'd at least like to know what they showed.  I think my doctor tells the staff to call me and they don't because this lack of communication has happened before.  If she wasn't so nice, I'd be all over another doctor.  Damn her bedside manner!

Oh yeah, Brad and Angie might be on the outs.  Not even Jen Aniston cares at this point.

So far I have tons more energy and I feel happier.  I also feel more alert, like I know what's going on more and I'm more aware of my life.  The downside to the energy is that I hurt the hell out of my shoulder and I'm not supposed to do anything on it for awhile.  That's some nice irony right there.

It's day three of the thyroid meds.  I sort of felt like I had more energy today, but it could be a placebo effect.  I'm trying not to obsess about it but A) I'm obsessive and B) I'm supposed to take my pulse a few times a day to make sure it's not too high, so it's not like I stop thinking about it. 

In other news, I need to do a final check of my Big Love recap and that's done for the week.  I've been a bot more active with my writing, which has been great.  Doing these recaps has been great for giving me a nice little hobby.  I'm considering recapping something else for this site when Big Love goes on hiatus. 

I'm pretty shocked I'm still blogging, to be honest.  I'm treating it like a journal, which is helping and I like the idea of people paying attention to me via my writing.  Oh hell, I just like the idea of attention.

What else?  I'm crazy hungry lately.  I've gotten bad at planning my meals and about snacking whenever.  I'm still maintaining my weight loss, but I worry it will come back if I keep this up.  One thing I wonder about with the new medicine is if it will cause anymore weight loss or maybe make it a little easier to maintain what I have already lost.  Guess we'll see. 

is the name of my new meds that came in the mail today.  I can't start them until tomorrow, which is kind of annoying.  It's a first thing in the morning thing, I guess.  I'm more excited than I thought I would be.  I hope it works out okay.  I worry that it won't help or that I have too big of expectations.  Maybe I am just the kind of person that is meant to be tired and grumpy a lot.  And maybe I'll just have to get used to doing things like putting the yogurt in the cupboard without realizing it.   Maybe, but I hope not.

Well, I went to the doctor again today.  I actually saw Dr. A instead of his PA.  I got to go down the list of stupid things that are wrong with me (and thanks for that morale booster!) and he asked a few questions and took about a million notes.  (He's very thorough.)

Now I am on a thyroid supplement.  My apparent diagnosis is Hashimoto's thyroiditis.  I take this thyroid med in the am. I start with 30 mg for 3 days, bump up to 60 mg for three days, bump up another 30mg, repeat until my pulse gets too high.  Then I scale back until I get to the right dosage.  The meds have to come from a compound pharmacy, so they won't be here until next week.  My insurance didn't cover them, but it was only $70, which is do-able.  Next month they should come from my regular pharmacy and can be billed to my insurance then.  (I guess there is a shortage, which is why it can only come from certain pharmacies right now.) 

And that is the medical situation for another day. 

Again, with the health details.

Medications: Cymbalta 30 mg.  I love this stuff.  It makes me able to handle my own feelings, but it doesn't blur them.  Various supplements including Magnesium and Selenium, according to my doctor it can help with my fatigue and energy issues from the thyroid problem.  I'm kinda skeptical, but I'm trying it.  Glucosamine and Chondroitin for my knees, testosterone cream for my thyroid.  Huh, it seems like more when I'm taking it all in the morning, but this really isn't that bad.