In the Mirror

It turns out that in my head I look (feel) completely different than pictures show.  I forget that I have a birth defect, I forget that I have all the extra skin on my neck, to me, I look totally normal.  Hell, to be honest, after losing all the weight, I feel great about myself. 

It normally doesn't occur to me to worry about it, but I've been thinking about cutting my hair.  It's not super long, just about 3 inches past my shoulders, but I'd like to cut it to hit my shoulders.  When I started thinking about it, the first thing I thought of was how it would look.  And not in the normal, 'Will this look cute on me?' way, but in a 'Will this camouflage my neck enough?'  And it's really bothering me that I thought that.

I went to see a cosmetic surgeon in October.  I wanted to know if he could fix it.  If I could look normal.  He told me that for $15,000 and probably three surgeries, he could give me 'a minimal difference that only I would notice'.  Well, damn.  I figured that was that, you know?  It wasn't feasible, I should be over it, right?  I had all the confirmation I needed that it wasn't going to change for me and I could accept my body the way it was. 

I thought I had, but just thinking about cutting my hair has brought it all back.  I want to have short hair, I want to enjoy the freedom of not like a particular shirt more because it covers my neck.  I want to wear tank tops without being self-conscious.  I want to see in pictures what I see in the mirror.
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