In the Mirror
It turns out that in my head I look (feel) completely different than pictures show. I forget that I have a birth defect, I forget that I have all the extra skin on my neck, to me, I look totally normal. Hell, to be honest, after losing all the weight, I feel great about myself.
It normally doesn't occur to me to worry about it, but I've been thinking about cutting my hair. It's not super long, just about 3 inches past my shoulders, but I'd like to cut it to hit my shoulders. When I started thinking about it, the first thing I thought of was how it would look. And not in the normal, 'Will this look cute on me?' way, but in a 'Will this camouflage my neck enough?' And it's really bothering me that I thought that.
I went to see a cosmetic surgeon in October. I wanted to know if he could fix it. If I could look normal. He told me that for $15,000 and probably three surgeries, he could give me 'a minimal difference that only I would notice'. Well, damn. I figured that was that, you know? It wasn't feasible, I should be over it, right? I had all the confirmation I needed that it wasn't going to change for me and I could accept my body the way it was.
I thought I had, but just thinking about cutting my hair has brought it all back. I want to have short hair, I want to enjoy the freedom of not like a particular shirt more because it covers my neck. I want to wear tank tops without being self-conscious. I want to see in pictures what I see in the mirror.
It normally doesn't occur to me to worry about it, but I've been thinking about cutting my hair. It's not super long, just about 3 inches past my shoulders, but I'd like to cut it to hit my shoulders. When I started thinking about it, the first thing I thought of was how it would look. And not in the normal, 'Will this look cute on me?' way, but in a 'Will this camouflage my neck enough?' And it's really bothering me that I thought that.
I went to see a cosmetic surgeon in October. I wanted to know if he could fix it. If I could look normal. He told me that for $15,000 and probably three surgeries, he could give me 'a minimal difference that only I would notice'. Well, damn. I figured that was that, you know? It wasn't feasible, I should be over it, right? I had all the confirmation I needed that it wasn't going to change for me and I could accept my body the way it was.
I thought I had, but just thinking about cutting my hair has brought it all back. I want to have short hair, I want to enjoy the freedom of not like a particular shirt more because it covers my neck. I want to wear tank tops without being self-conscious. I want to see in pictures what I see in the mirror.
